New Relationship Energy and Kink(s)

S. Kay

My initial thought is that variety could be a sexual kink, but I am not sure it is appropriate to call polyamory specifically a kink. I am not saying this only because I foresee the arguments, but because variety can go beyond the premise of what polyamory offers. For example, variety might be able to be fulfilled with a series of one night stands. Effectively, this is not polyamory, but it does speak to the kink of variety. That being said, polyamory definitely lends itself towards the opportunity of exploring a fetish for variety.

Combine NRE (New Relationship Energy) with a new submissive partner, especially one who can take an entirely new level of pain tolerance and intensity of fetish play. Now it’s NRE with not only a person, but also the fetish itself. Same goes for a sub interacting with a new Dom and all the possibilities this brings, both actualized and fantasized.


Having NRE with a kink is an interesting idea. I have always associated it with a specific partner, but this allows for energy to supersede the specific relationship and move into activities. Kink or otherwise, it speaks to the idea that multiple partners allow for not only sexual variety, but also, rather, an exploration of interests that might promote NRE.

Can you talk about how this has played out with you, with BDSM specifically?

Over the years, my submissives have occasionally become whiny and envious of each other, feeling neglected. My former partner mentioned this onstage many times, saying “someone else is taking all of his BDSM energy“. Once they mention it, I do my best to correct the imbalance, but it still happens from time to time.

For example, a new partner’s high pain tolerance inspired me to upgrade from floggers to a massive wooden paddle, thick canes, and, eventually, a baseball bat. For a few months, I focused on developing skills with these new Weapons of Ass Destruction, to the detriment/neglect of my other partners.

Got it. I can definitely empathize there. I could see myself being that whiny submissive.

Wry’s personal collection: Weapons of Ass Destruction, circa October 2016.

Has anyone ever had any ideas that another submissive wanted to try?
Here, how do subs influence each other’s desires?

A new partner… a new fetish… can lead me to new skills and excitement, which I then bring back to my other more established partners. The bedroom is new all over again for the established relationship. There are similarities here in the ways that swinging or group sex can reinvigorate lust and passion.

The energy can carry over—which is very much an argument in the polyamorous world.

As a new submissive, I am absolutely having NRE with both my newer partner and the idea of BDSM. This is the first time someone has been willing to engage my kinks, and it has been fucking intense. I am struggling with him sharing that energy with others, because I am downright selfish right now. I want it all. I have to mitigate this drive, because, alas, I am poly.

I can relate to that possessiveness as a Dom, and especially protectiveness over that energy as a Daddy to my partners. I want them to have positive experiences with other Doms, but I don’t want our intensity to be diminished or training contradicted. Plus, the “evils of the world” could traumatize them permanently.

I also have a vanilla partner who is pleased that I have found a partner who is interested in my kinks. I have a lot of love and gratitude for his understanding. And here is where I eat my initial words: it makes my polyamorous kink more intense.

Is this a kink for variety or polyamory? Or is it not a kink at all? I would argue that it is, because it is linked to our sex life and what I want.

A kink for polyamory is basically the same as saying we’re polyamorous and excited about it! We’re aroused by polyamory. We’re happy about it, satisfied by it, and need it. Maybe we’re even fetishizing it… it’s who we are and it’s what we do.

However, a kink for variety is not the same as a kink for multiple partners. One partner could deliver endless variety, especially regarding a myriad of fetish toys and BDSM scenes. Polyamory could satiate one’s kink for multiple partners, but might fail at appealing to a kink for novelty, i.e. new partners on a regular basis.
Open relationships seem well suited to novelty, as well as being single. Some polyamorous dynamics are closed, specifically limiting the opportunity for novelty in the form of new partners, but still open to the endless array of new kinks that any relationship could explore.

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